More Twilight hate

All might be slightly NSFW. All made me laugh.

Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn ("Attack of the Show")


Brandon Routh ("Superman Returns"):


Conan O'Brien:


Aubrey Plaza ("Parks and Recreation"):

Focus

Flute solo. Whistle solo. Multiple yodel solos. Scat/beatbox break. This is like something straight out of the movie "Anchorman." They need to get this on Rock Band ASAP!

New Moon Hate

I found this quite enjoyable.

This summer my girlfriend made me watch the first Twilight movie with her on DVD...and holy cow was that movie AWFUL. I spent the whole two hours Mystery Science Theater-ing it. All of the long, agonizing, torturous "We can't be together" looks, the pretty, sparkly, glistening vampires, the unicorns sliding down rainbows (I made that last part up)...just utter and completely awful crap. I was narrating the whole movie, saying things like, "...the fierce desire welling up inside me, a love that spans millenia, but it can never be. No, I must resist the urge to eat you because I love you SO. MUCH. The pain...the deliciously dark hunger that consumes me, I must not partake. Your eyes, they see me as no one has ever seen me, they see into my soul and know me like no sophomore ever has. You are my dark protector, and our love is one that will last until the end of time." Fortunately Ashley thought the movie was terrible too so she didn't punch me.

Can't wait to see the hysteria surrounding this movie this weekend. Or not.

Collins on cover of Sports Illustrated

Wow, banner sports day for this Kansas City native! Greinke and now this!

Greinke wins Cy Young Award

Well, at least one great thing happened during yet another season of Royals futility! Congrats Greinke!

To recap, the Royals' season records of late:

2009: 65-97 (tied for last place)
2008: 75-87 (one game out of last place)
2007: 69-93 (last place)
2006: 62-100 (last place)
2005: 56-106 (last place)
2004: 58-104 (last place)
2003: 83-79 (third place-total fluke)
2002: 62-100 (second-to-last place, the Tigers were brutal that year)
2001: 65-97 (last place)
2000: 77-85 (second-to-last place)
1999: 64-97 (one game out of last place)
1998: 72-89 (third place)
1997: 67-94 (last place)
1996: 75-86 (last place)
1995: 70-74 (second place)
1994: 64-51 (third place-strike shortened season)
1993: 84-78 (third place-George Brett's last season)

So wow...in the last 15 years the Royals have had one whole season above .500 and have had 8 last place finishes with 4 100-loss years.

You can see why Greinke winning the Cy Young even more of a big deal because he won it in spite of playing for the Royals. Great job Zack!

Edit: In related comedy-based news, check out this Onion article on the Royals.

Seth MacFarlane shows

This is awesome. Death to Family Guy and every other MacFarlane-created show!

Them Crooked Vultures

John Paul Jones. Dave Grohl. Josh Homme. A supergroup made up of members/ex-members of Led Zeppelin, Nirvana, and Queens of the Stone Age.

This is incredible music. The whole album has been uploaded (officially) to YouTube. Click on the video and then set it to Autoplay under the Series tab. Looks like the album comes out Nov. 17. I will definitely be picking this one up!

Dream band

So on the message board I like to frequent, a thread was posted on who you put in your dream band, alive or dead. Most of the lists were populated with lame classic rock stuff (Jerry Garcia, Keith Moon, Keith Richards, John Entwhistle, etc.), but it got me thinking about what my group would be.

Lead guitarist: Even in the most competitive category, this was the easiest pick. Eddie Van Halen.
Lead singer: I considered Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam), Jim Morrison (Doors), Chris Cornell (Soundgarden) and Michael Hutchence (INXS), but it came down to Layne Staley (Alice In Chains) and Mike Patton (Faith No More, Mr. Bungle). Patton won out because I'm constantly amazed by the things he does with his voice--I don't think there's ever been a singer as singular as he is.
Drums: Everybody always goes with Keith Moon (The Who) or Neal Peart (Rush), but I considered Dave Grohl (Nirvana), Carter Beauford (Dave Matthews Band) before picking the one and only John Bonham from Led Zeppelin. I want the biggest, loudest drum sound imaginable and only Bonham could do that.
Bass Guitar: Easy pick here too--Les Claypool from Primus. Dude is a crazy genius.
Keyboards: Between Elton John (70's version) and Jerry Lee Lewis. When Jerry Lee played his fast-paced rock stuff, it was the greatest.

My list is heavy on immensely creative virtuosos who have distinct personalities. I have no idea what these insanely creative minds would put together musically. One thing I can guarantee you though, this group would never get along and they definitely would make a lot of glorious noise. I'd love to hear it.

Catching up with Cartoon Brew

I don't check out this site daily any more because it's gotten too snarky, but I do binge and catch up every once in a while. Here's the cool stuff I found on this trip.

First up above is the intro for the Beatles Rock Band game. Completely incredible mixing of 2D and 3D. I would LOVE to see a movie made like this. Want to see it in huge and glorious Quicktime instead? (yes you do) Here. And then here's the ending cinematic, which YouTube wouldn't let me embed. The animation reminds me of that from the Gorillaz music videos, as it should, since it's made by the same guys (Passion Pictures). Absolutely incredible work.

Here's the other cool thing. It's a stop-motion sequence from "Flintstones: On the Rocks" (2001). Again, you can watch it in higher quality here.

Yankees win 27th World Series title

"Congrats, Yankee fans. No one thought your plucky bunch of overachievers could do it but you made it. Truly a heartwarming story." --message board poster opmick

Baseball without a real salary cap is a joke. Top four 2009 payrolls:

1. New York Yankees $201,449,189
2. New York Mets $149,373,987
3. Chicago Cubs $134,809,000
4. Boston Red Sox $121,745,999

21. Kansas City Royals $70,519,333

30. (last spot on the list) Florida Marlins $36,834,000

Great to see those long-suffering, down-on-their-luck Yankee fans finally get to celebrate after a few years without a title. It must have been really hard on them.

EDIT: Read Sports Illustrated and KC Star columnist Joe Posnanski's much better take on this here.

Jason Sudeikis pimps KU on Fallon

Saturday Night Live player Sudeikis discussing KU basketball nationally on the Jimmy Fallon show last night. This comes a month or two after he and Paul Rudd were talking KU basketball on HBO's Joe Buck Live. Nice to finally have some Kansas guys in show business!

Blaas of Glory

This is hilarious; a Dutch Dixieland/Polka band covering Van Halen's "Why Can't This Be Love." I'd love to hear this in a crystal clear mp3. They've got other YouTube videos up of them covering Metallica, Aersosmith, AC/DC, Motorhead...fun stuff!

Bonus: "Jump" by Van Halen below--sound quality not as good though.

Update: Sweet! A MySpace page with clear recordings!

KU ranked #1 in both preseason polls

Today they released the preseason college basketball polls, and my Jayhawks are ranked #1 in both the AP and ESPN/USA Today Coaches Poll. Gotta love it!

The Sedlec Ossuary

Perfect post for Halloween week.

I had never heard of this place until today. It's a chapel in the Czech Republic, and is estimated to contain the skeletons of between 40,000 and 70,000 people--many of whom have had their bones artistically arranged to form decorations and furnishings for the chapel. The chapel had been there since the year 1400, but in 1870 a woodcarver was employed to put the bones in artistic order.

Crazy stuff. Watch the video.

Hot sauce

This is a real product.

The Mission

I thought about this the other day--I hadn't seen this since I was a kid.

It's an episode from Steven Spielberg's 1985 TV show "Amazing Stories." 1985 was an amazing year; we got "The Goonies," "Back to the Future," and the Royals won the World Series. Anyways, I saw this episode once when I was 11 years old and I've never forgotten it, and I had never seen it again until tonight.

It's set in World War II, and the situation is that men in an Air Force bomber are caught in a no-win scenario when their belly gunner is trapped in his seat underneath the plane, due to shrapnel from a blown-up Nazi bomber fuzing his gun chamber shut. The landing gear has also been destroyed during the battle, so the Americans have no choice but to land the plane on its belly, which would crush the gunner.

The gunner however is an amateur animator who wants to work at Walt Disney Studios when he gets out of the service. The setup for the clip above is that the crew has tried everything to save the gunner--they tried to open the hatch but they couldn't, they tried to feed him a parachute but it ripped on its way in, and then finally they were going to shoot him for a quick mercy killing. The gunner then decides to literally draw a solution to his problem.

Watch the clip to see how the story ends and you'll understand why I never forgot this show even after 24 years. It was a special hour-long show, written and directed by Steven Spielberg, with music by the legendary John Williams. The lead actors were a young Kevin Costner and Kiefer Sutherland! This plays like a mini-feature film, and its dedication to realism throughout the hour make the fantastic ending even more awesome.

So fun to see this again after all of these years!

Pixar's lamp gets the chair

Where the Wild Things Are

Yeah, I don't know...I didn't really dig it that much.

This movie is the story of a 9-year-old kid named Max on the edge of becoming a teenager. He's confused and scared and he doesn't know how to solve the problems in his life, which are that his father isn't in the picture, his mom has job worries, his sister doesn't want to play with him any more because she's growing up, and then her boyfriends destroy his snow fort. Max's solution to his problems is to retreat into his imagination and travel to the land where the Wild Things live.

Visually I thought it was pretty neat. For the monster effects, the guys in the suits matched with nicely underplayed CG faces were very convincing. The Australian locale worked well too.

But the movie was so serious. I got the feeling that Max was going to spend the next few years riding skateboards and smoking pot and listening to death metal. That Max was going to hate his parents, underperform in high school, and be that person who can't wait to move to another state so he can get away from everything about his childhood and start life over.

It's not that I wanted this movie to be a kiddie shlock-fest like "The Cat in the Hat" or "Garfield" or "Alvin and the Chipmunks," definitely not. But "Wild Things" was sort of depressing. I know it was supposed to be an art film, not a kids film. But when I was a kid, "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" was an adult-ish kids movie and that movie completely fascinated me. Willy Wonka was kind of mean, the kids got punished for their bad deeds, and yet the movie was funny and full of life and wonder. "Wild Things" felt kind of like a big therapy session.

I dunno. I mean, it's a good movie. I probably don't need to see it again though...it's just not for me. And on a final note, I saw probably three families leave the movie at varying points and they didn't come back. I guess it wasn't for them either.

Update: Massawyrm's review at Aint it Cool gives a more thorough summation of my thoughts. I'm right on board with his review--he even mentions Willy Wonka.

Renovated Allen Fieldhouse

This is a great way to spend 15 minutes. They're finishing $42 million worth of renovation to the great old fieldhouse. The famous building opened in 1955 and it usually makes a short list of greatest historic American sports buildings, a list that includes Wrigley Field and Fenway Park.

This is the best of both worlds; on the inside there's the old time arena which stands relatively unchanged (aside from a new scoreboard a couple of years ago and of course, new banners all the time) and on the outside is modern amenities.

My brother is going to Late Night tomorrow night, where they'll get to tour the renovated building and watch the start of practices. So jealous.

Maurice Sendak documentary

Just saw this on HBO. Spike Jonze (director of the "Where the Wild Things Are" movie) started filming interviews with Sendak back in 2003 when he started working on the feature film.

It's sad that the guy who created "Where the Wild Things Are" is so down on his entire life, and really, life in general. He thinks life went by too fast and thinks he's going to die soon (he's healthy) and he's just very, very melancholy. As far as I could tell from watching the documentary, the only joy he finds in his life is sitting alone in a room and working on his art, with maybe a little bit of love left over for his dog and his one single human friend.

I certainly know the isolating nature of drawing books, especially when deadlines are raining down on you. And I love making art and making cool things. But I love being around people more and having friends and I'd rather hang out than sit in a room and draw. I guess the tortured nature of Sendak's psyche is what has made his career so memorable though.

That must be what draws a lot of people to the arts--it gives you a way to express things you can't with others, and I guess that's why artists typically tend to be loners. But man, is that depressing. From what I could tell, Sendak has no joy in his life. That's a real shame.